Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
