just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I sprained my soul last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
