Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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