i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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