I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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