In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
