Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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