U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
being pregnant is like rehab
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
