Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
