God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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