Don't make out with my wife yet
I think im going to throw up on grandma
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
