I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
