I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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