Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
