Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do plants get herpes?
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