Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
