2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize