like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
