It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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