I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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