So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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