with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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