You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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