I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
