I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize