I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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