he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize