here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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