Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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