weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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