The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
