it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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