We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize