Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
