I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
