Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
