it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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