Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
