is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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