Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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