I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
