nut hugger
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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