My first STD was from a foam party
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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