he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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