I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
