You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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