she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
