Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
