we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
