weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
