Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
