Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize