i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
