some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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