My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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