I love black thongs
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have fence marks all over my body
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
