Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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