I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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