If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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