I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
