I hate all girls vehemently.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
