On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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