Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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