Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i barfeds in our rink
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
