I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
