You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
