I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
