I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
