you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
