And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize