Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
