wrigley field is MILF paradise
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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