Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
