question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
