so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
