dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
