dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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