i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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