this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
how drunk are you?
Several
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
