I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
